Why does it still feel like a threat to see women and mothers thriving, happy, successful, and wealthy?

Don’t miss this first episode of this series.

These conversations are crucial in giving women everywhere permission to carve our own sovereign path, release the pressure and compartmentalization, and instead lead with wholeness and heart.

Episode 1: Chronicles of the High Powered Female CEO with Brigid Holder

#FemaleCEOChronicles

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPTION

Melisa Keenan 00:25

Hi guys, welcome to our first episode of Chronicles of the High-Powered Female CEO. I'm so excited to just dive right into this conversation with our very first guest: Brigid Holder. Welcome Brigid.

Brigid Holder 00:39

Thank you so much for having me, Melisa. It’s a pleasure to talk with you as always.

Melisa Keenan 00:44

So, tell us who you are? Who do people usually know you as?

Brigid Holder 00:49

People usually name me as Brigid, day businesswoman and Mom of two teenage boys and the head of a publishing house, and a traditional business. All sounds very boring.

Melisa Keenan 01:06

What’s your traditional business?

Brigid Holder 01:09

We work in the railway, Carriage Hill.

Melisa Keenan 01:15

And that's you and your husband together, right?

Brigid Holder 01:17

Yeah, that’s it

Melisa Keenan 01:21

So, we want to sort of giving you a picture of who Bridget is, some of the things that she's accomplished, right? And it's pretty common to receive accolades in the business world for all the tangible external things that we do as women: what we produce, what we've achieved, what we've accomplished, but this interview and the purpose of these interviews is to hear kind of a little behind the curtain. Hear what it's been like for your heart as you've generated the success that you've created.

“It's funny how success makes people repel against you. And almost the opposite to what you want them to do which is you want people to be around you and you want to lift others up and you want them to come on the ride with you”

Brigid Holder 01:59

It's something that. I was on a cool and they were talking about marketing to millionaires was what the cold sort of led to. It wasn't intended to be that but it's what it led to, and they were talking about: how do you think these women might feel? And how do you think they might see themselves? And how do you think they get included in things? And it was a very big eye-opener for me. Because they describe me, they were saying all, you know, she could feel lonely, she could feel a bit lost and as if she's doing this on her own, it could be somebody who appears to not have time so people don't approach them, when they have plenty of time for social things and it was a little upset because like oh my God, they describing me, this is my life.

It's funny how success makes people repel against you. And almost the opposite to what you want them to do which is you want people to be around you and you want to lift others up and you want them to come on the ride with you. And yeah, you can often distance from people and I guess then in response to that, may personally I've distanced myself from people because you don't want to get hurt and you don't want to allow this to you. No break your heart even more because he don't get invited to things and you're not included in things socially it is, not in the business world. You’re going to be invited to every business event because people want to hear what you have to say and how you get to that place.

But the social things that you miss and that connection especially with women. And it is true that women are the most judgmental and the most heart sensitive people in the world because I see in all the camps and sometimes they sitting both, that can be judgmental of some and have the biggest heart as well. As, you know, every woman and you have a million, a billion dollars or you have $10 in the bank, it's you as the person that I care about and the stories that you have, that should make you who you are. And it doesn't matter where you came from, which side of the tracks, they saying that's right. It doesn't matter which side of the tracks you come from. It doesn't matter to me. I just, it's how do you treat me and how you treat my children that really show me who you are and how I can have a relationship with you or not and that goes for my business as well.

I'm very careful to surround myself with women who aren’t judgmental. And if they do come to be judgmental during a phase, I talk them through that and say, well, why are you feeling that way? And when they’re judgmental of another who is perhaps in the same program or the same book as them in my world, it's why are you feeling that way? Is something that’s reflected back on you, it's not about them if you feel that way, so it’s a really nice thing to do, but I did say to you before we started, that loneliness is probably the hardest thing to… Was the hardest thing for me to overcome because you do a lot on your own and not many people will reach out to you. You being one of them who did. So it's nice to have this online world because, without it, I would be quite lonely.

“She could feel lonely, she could feel a bit lost and as if she's doing this on her own, it could be somebody who appears to not have time so people don't approach them, when they have plenty of time for social things and it was a little upset because like oh my God, they describing me, this is my life.”

Melisa Keenan 05:56

Wow, just thank you for sharing that. I'm curious, like, was there a moment in your path when… like what was it when you realize wait a minute, I think this is related or tied to the success that we have created?

Brigid Holder 06:17

I actually went to a 50th birthday party last year and I don't drink. I might have a pims every now and again and on my 50th next week. I'll probably have three that will top me right off but it is something that's at this gathering one of the women there said to me, they were saying how nice it was to catch up and we went through I'm younger than them by a year, I’m younger than them and I wasn’t in their year, but they took me under their wing cuz I went to a different school and I didn't have friends in my hometown anymore because all the girls I went to school with, thought that I was better than them because I went to the all-girls school. I did not think that but that’s what they perceived and they sort of just blocks me. So this happens to me throughout my life whenever I choose something different and yeah, these other girls who are my brother’s friends took me under their wing and we used to hang out together.

So I hung out with my brother and his boyfriends and his girlfriend so as a group we were collectively and this was the 50th birthday party I went and one of them said so we’ve lost contact quite a bit I am busy and our business did take a lot to do it grow to what it is today and I have always had something on the side as my husband calls it, and now that my publishing company has taken off even, you know, busier. Which I like, it’s not busy to be busy. It's doing all the time. And it's something that you know, they had things and not invited me to stuff and I can see it happening over the years. It was just you left out things and all of these women would have been at my wedding and it's, you think you’re going to be friends for a lifetime, but people come and go through seasons. I think that this was only last year her saying to me: “don't forget where you came from”. I was kind of like, I don't forget where I came from. I don’t know why you had to say that to me.

It was as if she was saying I took myself out of this friendship, but it was not the case, yeah, I was not invited to a lot of things along the way and that's okay you know? People change and people grow apart, but it's hard to go through at the time. It was nice to go to the 50th and see some of the women who live far away and you know, I still adore and we still keep in touch and they're still in my world and then others who are still in that judgmental part, and almost not happy for the success that you have.

“I'm very careful to surround myself with women who aren’t judgmental”

Melisa Keenan 09:21

That's what’s fascinating to me. I mean, isn't there some part of you that wants to be like, you know, screw you! I actually worked really hard to forget the dysfunctional parts of where I came from so, I could be where I am today and why can't you just pat me on the back for that? Right?

Brigid Holder 09:40

Yeah, and you know it’s probably like I was saying… she has a huge heart and is a very kind woman, but to be that that's a nasty thing to say to somebody when you don’t actually know if that’s what they think. The better thing for her would have been to say: “why don’t you hang out with us more? Why don’t you do stuff? I actually went to the house the last time, I went to the city that she lives in and I actually felt so uncomfortable. I left crying and that’s an awful thing to do if think that you lost one friend, so yeah, it’s a hard thing to go through.

Melisa Keenan 10:27

So, how did someone like you have gone through these things manage to still keep your heart out enough to create connected relationships, and still fill your cup even though you've been hurt a lot?

Brigid Holder 10:46

I think that is all part of life and the lessons and I always see the opportunity for learning through this. I spent after that the whole following week was me trying to see why did that situation occur? And why did that question come up and why? And how could I have dealt with that better? Cuz all I said was, I don't. That’s not on my side. And one of my other friends actually said to me later, are you okay? Like what she said wasn't very nice and I went no, no it’s fine. That’s her, it’s not me. It’s her thing to go through and I always see that's why people say things because it's a reflection of what they’re going through and the guilt that they have or what are they missing out on that they want in their life that you may have. It's them just expressing what they’re feeling. It’s not really what they think of you, is how I always see it. And that's how I view most situations, is that everything that somebody says is definitely a reflection of them and not you.

And that's particularly relevant when it’s relationships with women, I believe. Because, you know, it's really sad that some… A lot of people are raised to be in competition with others and they can't see it. So it might not just be on the sporting field, it's in life and they are also raised to think that just having enough is enough. And, you know, even my family, we struggled, we were poor, and it was always the, talk about money was: “we don't have enough to do that”. You know, it was never a family holiday that involves a hotel or staying accommodating. It was always at relatives’ houses and very few of those, and then it was free public transport stuff that we got to do. We got to go and stand outside the zoo. We couldn’t go into the zoo. So you know, this thing you brought up like that and you can choose to change it or you can choose to take the same path, and the people who choose to take the same path often think that they're not allowed to take the other path.

It's not an opportunity for them whereas people like me make those opportunities and create the outcome that we want and create the success that we want. So it’s a choice. And I think that's the same with when people say things to you that hurt, you can choose to let it continue to hurt you, or you can choose to see the lesson in it and learn from it and grow from it.

“A lot of people are raised to be in competition with others and they can't see it. So it might not just be on the sporting field, it's in life and they are also raised to think that just having enough is enough”

Melisa Keenan 13:54

That’s so beautiful Brigid, wow to have such an outlook, I think is… It just shows you had to do a lot of that work and it is interesting. Right? I actually can remember sitting on the other side of the spectrum, resentful of people who had created a lot of money, mostly feeling sorry for myself because I hadn't figured out how to create it. And as long as I carried that resentment and jealousy and those things I never created opportunities for myself, my husband, and I both. It wasn't until we change that attitude and shifted that story that we started seeing success in our life and being able to flip the script for us.

Brigid Holder 14:41

Yes, what are you saying, I do credit my husband to a lot of my thoughts because when we first were together, he said there’s in Australia there’s a family called “The Packers” and they used to own a lot of the television networks, even newspapers I think, and then as it's going down the line, James who is around mine and my husband's age. I think he's around our age. He has gone into a different field with it. He's going to casinos, he sold that networks and he went into casinos, and he’s recently sold the casinos. He’s billionaire and he’s used the wealth to get wealthier. And he does good things with his money and he does things for himself with his money.

My husband said to me when we were first together, like the very first couple of years: “I don't see why I can't, or you can’t be like James Packer. I don't see why we can't…” Jerry Packer*, he was his father. He's passed on now but he said “I don’t see why we can’t be like Jerry Packer” and that thought to me was like “Well, we can’t” because of the conditioning I’d had. That’s not where we come from, we can’t do that but, you know, Jerry’s father built something from nothing, so why can’t somebody else do that? And I always look at people now that have done more or have more wealth or create more abundance in their lives, and I always look at them and I try to work out: “how did they do that?” So that I can do that too and model what they do and think about is the right path for me? rather than looking at them and going “Well, I can’t have that because they got lucky or whatever” There’s even… It’s a small-town syndrome, people think that Clayton’s Family gave him a Bobcat to start his business because he had a back injury and he couldn’t work. Nobody would employ him, and he and I bought a Bobcat and a tip truck and he went and started cleaning out yards. And, you know, now we’ve got a business that's employing 10 people and has been running for 18th years.

And it’s incredible the turnover we have and the publishing house is going great, and it's just it brings so much joy to my life. And these are all because we made choices that we can to be like Jerry Packer, and you know if you look at Oprah, I always say I want to be Ellen because I want to be an interviewer, that would be my ultimate goal would be to… just interview people like you’re doing right now and you know, I look and see what she did in her life. And I go, well I actually I don’t want to do those parts, so perhaps I don’t want to be like Ellen, I just want to have the TV Show. It’s just that you look at it and you go well what parts of it do I want? and create it and I’ve done that with Amazon Live TV shows, which streams through 50 television stations in the US and it's just, you know, it’s amazing that you can work towards something and you get what you want if you work towards it, and you put it out to the universe and have plans in place to get there.

“You can choose to change it or you can choose to take the same path, and the people who choose to take the same path often think that they're not allowed to take the other path.”

Melisa Keenan 18:05

So good, so good. And I think for those listening, I hope that… You know, my intention of holding these interviews is for one to help you. People like you feel understood, so that other 7+ figure businesswoman listening can be like Oh right, I'm not alone and this is part of the success journey and it sucks, right? So the other intent is to help change the culture around this and I do believe that women have it harder than men do. Nobody judges a man for making 7 figures, but for some reason, there's all these fingers pointed at a woman who’s generated success and I want to change that for women because I think a lot of women hold themselves back because they see that and they're terrified to have that experience. Like it's scary to be in scarcity and not have enough but maybe for some, it's even scarier to be in success. And what do I do with that? And who am I when I'm in that place and who are other people in relation to me?

So, I just appreciate you sharing Brigid. Do you… I want to ask one more question just so that we get to know your heart a little more. And the question is what is one moment in your life that you would consider one of the most fulfilling experiences or moments that you've ever had?

Brigid Holder 19:47

That's a really hard question. So many a popping in my mind, it's some… Okay, I'll say one that's really strange. It was after my mom had double bypass surgery and I was in... I was staying with some nuns because the hospital is called St. Vincent's Hospital and for the family members, they have accommodation at various homes in Sydney, and the nuns live in a house that’s just around the corner from there, and they used to rent a room out to women who were there for other family members, and I was saying in there, and the nurse came and she said, the nun came and she said to me, because I go that quite late, and she came in and she said: “would you like a cup of tea?” and I said I would love a cup of tea but I didn’t want to wake anyone. And she said “no no you won’t wake anyone. Let's have a cup of tea together” and she sat down and she said, are you okay? And I just burst out crying. I hadn't cried once since my mom had the heart attack and it was like that moment, that somebody else actually cared about me, I’m getting emotional thinking about it.

It was so joyful though like, it was like she really genuinely cared about me. It was like she didn't ask about my mom. She didn't ask about my family. It was just me that she cared about and that was an amazing moment for me.

Melisa Keenan 21:40

That was beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes too. Brigid, thank you so much again for doing this. And those of you listening this is the first of many amazing interviews that we’ll be doing with women and getting to see behind the curtain and the intention of this base has to actually have a community where we can come together and be connected in this.

So, if you haven't already, please go to www.melissakeenan.com. Let's see. I'm getting used to this fancy… Here it is! You go there and you'll find the little pop-up for Chronicles of the High-Powered Female Ceo that will allow you to pop in there, you'll get emails, every time I do an interview for this, you'll be able to find the bank of all the interviews. This is the first one that we've done live, but any post or anything, I do pertaining to this and we also intend for a client and I intend to go together and host a retreat in October.

We don't have a whole lot of the details really hammered out with that, except that it's going to be like absolute luxury and just a time to come together in Sisterhood where there is no walls or judgments or stuff like that. To just come together in that Sisterhood. So keep stay tuned for that. And again, Brigid just thank you so much for being willing to come in and show your heart here in this space.

Brigid Holder 23:16

Thank you so much for this Melisa. And I just want to say it's possible for anyone to get to Seven figures. There's no barriers for anyone, that’s not overcome.

Melisa Keenan 23:32

Love it so much. Thank you. Brigid. Bye, everyone.