When Intimacy is a Trigger Word
I had several friends caution me about calling myself an Intimacy Coach.
They had experienced betrayal and they said, "Just the word 'intimacy' is a trigger for me." I found this especially true for those whose husbands were always pressuring them to have more sex, so they had major walls up around *intimacy*.
Boy, do I get that. I even made a video about my walls around physical intimacy, which even STILL at times show up for me and we have created safety in our marriage for YEARS now. We just navigate those walls together now.
The walls around physical intimacy
can last for years, or even forever after safety is created if the wounded partner never seeks healing.
The walls up around physical intimacy can last for years, or even forever after safety is created if the wounded partner never seeks healing.
I have now heard hundreds of women say, "I would be happy to never have sex again."
What that says to me is that they have lost a part of themselves through wounds that need healing, that need love, that need to be deeply seen and cared for.
Intimacy is our divine nature.
Sometimes the absolute BEST medicine to begin to heal and experience true intimacy, is to TAKE SEX OFF THE TABLE COMPLETELY.
How long?
However long it takes.
Sex without trust is pain. It creates disconnection, not connection.
Sex without connection...frankly, feels like rape. Sometimes, literally is rape. (Married or not.)
So no, coming to an intimacy coach does not automatically mean that you will now be having loads of wild sex.
In fact, in cases where one partner is pressuring for that to be the case, the pressure itself can literally undo all the progress.
If there has been trauma experienced by either partner, either during the marriage, or before the marriage, creating safety and trust is the first step and it cannot be glossed over.
Creating safety and trust is the ONLY WAY CONNECTION CAN BE EXPERIENCED.
Safety.
Trust.
Connection.
The emotional, mental, spiritual walls start to melt, until finally the physical walls can start to come down too.
Our bodies are sacred, they are our sanctuaries. When we bring them together with trust and connection, it's not *just sex* anymore. It is glorious. It is total unity. Togetherness. Oneness.
So if there is a need to wait, it is absolutely worth the wait.
My Into-me-see Marriage Program starts next week. Book a free call here to begin this beautiful process.
Learn more about how we can work together
Iām Melisa!
I breathe intimacy into places where only disconnection lives.
Ready to rekindle the beauty of connection? Learn how we can work together to bring you more happiness, love & joy.
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