Why Intimacy & Sex? Part I
Buckle up, because this story is not for feeble. I recovered 100 letters last fall, penned 50 years ago by my grandmother Lillian.
'Let him have his whore..." she wrote...
I devoured every single letter in the course of several days, tears streaming down my face, snot flying as I finally got to know her. To hear her voice. To put myself in her shoes and finally begin to really understand what happened to her.
"I called your father today, I needed him to fix my car. He don't care about me anymore, he came over in a bad mood. But he did give me the money to get it fixed."
You see she died in 1983, just 5 years before I was born. I never met her. Instead, I met the only grandma I knew, a woman I was raised to call Joyce, my step-grandmother.
"I'm trying out this new typewriter. Mostly just trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about him. He has made his bed."
They had lived an entire life together, she and my grandpa. A strong Christian upbringing for both of them, she was a dignified lady of faith, with little education, amazing sewing, and homemaking skills, who wouldn't be caught without lipstick and her hair done.
I'm pretty sure she was perfect... but that didn't mean she was happy.
"I got my hair done today, I don't care if he notices."
They had raised 3 children together, all 3 were fully grown adults, married, and out of the home. When one day, my grandma caught my grandpa in an affair with a woman the same age as her middle-adult-child, 30 years his junior. But this affair didn't just last a few months, no it went on for years. Several years in she wrote:
"Oh it was a miracle, he came over and I saw tears in his eyes as he apologized for everything. The Lord is working on his heart, I just know he is done with her."
Eventually, my step-grandma Joyce, moved in to become the live-in nurse as my grandmother lay in her bed dying of Parkinson’s.
"I can't believe he brought her here to take care of me. How could he? But what choice do I have?"
Her letters stirred something so deep in me.
Deep sadness for what she had experienced rips at my heart. It is horrendous.
To sit and watch as your husband chooses someone the age of your children… there is no competition...
Watching all her dreams shatter... watching everything she had poured her life into, crumble.
Laying in bed dying, listening to your husband betray you again and again in the next room, by the hand who would come in and bathe you, and feed you in your weakest moments.
How do I rectify my ancestors and live in a way that liberates them?
She was a "good Christian woman," and that meant she had to spend the better part of the last 10 years of her life pretending to be happy, waiting for her husband to see her value. Self-sacrificing. Never misbehaving. Never a hair out of place.
She never uncovered who she truly was. She was a mother and she had talents and she was a wife... but from the other side of the veil, I can feel that there was so much more to her.
A power left completely untapped.
If she had been given permission, set free, what would she have created on the planet? What force would she have been? And what happiness might she have created?
As I help women heal, I can often feel her. Facilitating the healing, facilitating the next step in my business, and urging me to pursue my interests and my gifts on the planet. Urging me to be the fully unleashed fully free version of myself who pursues my own pleasure. Things she couldn't do.
Urging me to not allow the "good Christian woman" in me, to become the reason that I self-sabotage every good thing about being me.
And helping other women to do the same.
Why sex and intimacy? Because Grandma Lillian was robbed of her fullest expression of herself. First by her society and culture, then by her husband.
"If you want more connection in your marriage, it starts with you. Melisa can teach you how to get there. It is an individual, yet couple’s journey that is so powerful and empowering."
-Garcias-
ARE YOU READY TO TAKE DOWN YOUR WALLS, AND BE FREE TO EXPERIENCE TRUE CONNECTION?
Let’s Talk.
Schedule a free call with me, to explore options for couples intimacy coaching.
"...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
I’m Melisa!
I breathe intimacy into places where only disconnection lives.
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