He doesn't feel safe
You might not know this, but I end up talking with and coaching a fair amount of men in my practice
Men don't feel safe either
Even and especially good men; men who have good intentions
They don't feel safe being themselves
You know I always say, true intimacy can only be experienced when there is full safety
Intimacy among men is difficult water to navigate:
He has to watch his words
He has to watch his back
They don't ask him what he means, they just assume he has bad intentions
He is very careful about what he says and how he says it
He is afraid of being misunderstood
And worst of all, his challenges and constraints are clear to him and it is up to him and only him to deal with them
This is tremendous pressure to carry every day and it translates into lots of invisible stress
And basically, it is everywhere:
He feels anxious and unsafe that he might be sued for being too jovial in the workplace. (Lest his words are taken out of context and misconstrued as harmful, or worse, sexual harassment).
He feels tremendous pressure to not be seen as weak, bc of his conditioning from birth never to express or experience emotion
He feels anxious and unsafe saying things to his wife that might rock the boat. If it will upset her, better not say it.
He feels anxious and unsafe most of all, to expose his weakness and vulnerability to her, lest she thinks he has lost his manhood and now cannot keep HER safe.
Brene Brown says, show me a man who can sit with the women in his life as they fall apart and I will show you a man who has done his work. And visa-versa, show me a woman who can sit with the men in her life as they fall apart and I will show you a woman who has done her work.
I'm not convinced that enough of us are doing our work.
Ask yourself this:
How often are you trying to change him?
How often do you have an agenda in conversations with him?
How often do you talk just for the sake of connection and truly understanding one-another?
How do you respond when he says something you don't like?
I can't imagine what it would feel like to feel that you can't just be yourself anywhere you go
But gosh dang it! I will do all that I can to NOT provide that same hostile environment within my own marriage
I may not be able to control how the world views my husband, but I can manage the way I approach and view him
And of course, do my small part to help men and women with intimacy ♡
Send me an email if this strikes something in you.
These are the conversations I'm here to have.
"If you want more connection in your marriage, it starts with you. Melisa can teach you how to get there. It is an individual, yet couple’s journey that is so powerful and empowering."
-Garcias-
ARE YOU READY TO TAKE DOWN YOUR WALLS, AND BE FREE TO EXPERIENCE TRUE CONNECTION?
Let’s Talk.
Schedule a free call with me, to explore options for couples intimacy coaching.
"...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
I’m Melisa!
I breathe intimacy into places where only disconnection lives.
Ready to rekindle the beauty of connection? Learn how we can work together to bring you more happiness, love & joy.
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